notebook

you held my heart in a jam jar
and then you tore my heart apart
it felt safe for seven months
but seven months flew past

i brought your love to a faraway place
and i then i threw it all away
it's easy to let go
of something so perfectly free

and i know that you might save me sometime
i know you might change my ways
but not today

Perfect Song

Your perfect song is locked inside
I try to cut it out each time
You ask for something with those eyes
Oh, your eyes...

But these words are so common, dear,
I could have used them anywhere
For any girl in any setting
But I wrote this song for you.

Oh this world is falling
And I feel I'm falling too
Please give me seven reasons
Why I should fall without you.

Your perfect song is tumbling out
Because you're not here tonight
You're further away than ever
And things just don't feel right

Oh this world is falling
And I feel I'm falling too
Please give me seven reasons
Why I should fall without you.

"Love" is just a fleeting thing...

In two minds from time to time,
How do you forget so many things?
Trying to escape this needing feeling
I'm just built to want you close.
But who are "you", oh loving, feeling,
Who are "you" when the end is near?
Who am I to heed this yearning,
Who am I to feed this fear?
In the winter you said you loved me,
But I think you spoke too soon
That's ok, I understand,
I was breathless too.

Dear Circles

Oh where are we now dear circles?
Just trying to find my feet.
I feel like I'm nothing
Without you.
So are there no happy mediums?
Just constant fucking extremes?
Let's just start where we left off
And continue til you're sick of me.

Oh where are we now dear circles?
Thought I was special for a while
But suddenly I grew older
And suddenly I stopped trying.
All I do now is look for reasons
Don't even know what that means
Let's just start where we left off
And continue til you're sick of me.

Enjoy Falling

Are we really the same?
I saw your name, in big letters
Painted on the sky
And then I slept for forty days
Til nothing mattered anymore.
Oh, you
I know you too well
That could be our downfall.

I enjoyed falling though.

Everything Ends Here

Cold weeks in October
Freeze me over
And everything ends here.
But I don't mind
It's not hard to find
Warm lovers in the cold.
So I'll walk away
From your embrace
Your eyes, your face -
Oh, everything ends here.

God Hates Fags

This is a video I made for my Digital Media Production module in college. We were told to find clips on YouTube relating to an issue that concerned us and then edit them all together using Adobe Premiere. This is pretty simple but I won a book token for it so yay. The music I chose for the background is Hunting for Witches by Bloc Party. The issue I chose was homophobia. It was ultra depressing looking through the clips but people like Jennifer Beals (who you'll see at the end of the movie) made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside with their intelligent and logical insight.

Out of Ideas

I sat and wrote alone.
And threw away each page I inked
With long frustrated sighs
And nothing else to think about;
Still not sure what I'm trying to achieve
A song for you, a lie for me
A painted piece of tainted lines
In time we'll all be fine.

I sat and sang alone.
And gave up before the finishing line
Defeated by the undefined
A rhyme is just a rhyme;
Still not sure who I'm supposed to believe,
The never loved or the never free,
Is it enough to just be me?
I won't make a living like that.

And when it's time for a chorus
I'll run out of ideas. Again.

Emo Entry

Cleaning my room is fun [apart from spiders attacks] because I find old things that make me lol at my life. Like this following emo entry from about three years ago:

Last night I realised something quite painful. Not really surprising and nothing very new to me, but, I actually sat and thought about it for the first time. And it made me feel very alone. I know I always go on about being alone. It's getting very repetitive - but this is different. This isn't about relationships, friendships, family, music, any of that. And then, it totally is. But on a larger scale. I just realised I can't trust a soul. Nobody I've found yet has given me complete security in knowing I can trust them completely. And I really don't believe anyone ever will. I realise how much of a cynic I sound. How horribly pessimistic and hopeless and all of that. I hate the way I sound. I hate people who feel this way. But it's how I'm feeling and I can't help that. And this is my point exactly. We can't control our feelings. I really know I can't. So how on earth can we trust each other if we've no control over how we'll feel tomorrow?

Wow, chirpy. I'm glad I grew out of that phase.

...

Make that 2 spiders. Another HUGE one.